The Greatest Gift

Philippians 3:10-11 — I want to know Christ - yes, to know the power of His resurrection and participation in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.

Is suffering not,

the greatest gift You have given me, Lord?

Has it not led me to Your feet,

led me to my knees?

Has this pain not brought me to Your courts,

this grief not brought me to the cross?

Have my scars not made me,

like Your Son?

Will I not show You these wounds one day,

rejoicing in how You used them,

to redeem my life?

Have these afflictions not revealed to me,

my total need for You,

my absolute reliance on Your word?

Has this labor not humbled me,

bringing me wonderfully low,

meekly to Your throne of grace?

You, O my God,

took the chains that bound me,

the path that was leading me to death,

and rescued me.

O, how I never want to escape this pain,

if it means I will be taken from You.

Sustain me, Lord,

give me the strength to live;

but give me nothing -

no matter how wonderful it may seem -

if it could separate me from Your presence.

Amen.

Is This The Man?

Isaiah 14:10, 16-17 - They will all respond, they will say to you, “You also have become weak, as we are; you have become like us…” Those who see you stare at you, they ponder your fate: “Is this the man who shook the earth and made kingdoms tremble, the man who made the world a wilderness, who overthrew its cities and would not let his captives go home?”

I will one day look,

and see my enemy in full.

He will not be hidden,

not found in the shadows,

nor lurking in the depths.

One day,

I will see him,

and I will wonder,

why I was so afraid.

I will wonder why

I followed him,

why I was so worried to fight.

I will wonder why

I never used my weapons,

why I allowed him to use me.

Though his appearance

is great and mighty,

he will one day be a corpse in the ground,

covered in dirt and weeds.

I will wonder why I was

enslaved to him;

why I spent so many hours

considering his power.

O Lord,

let me see the enemy,

for who he really is.

Let it lead me to see,

who You really are,

what it is that You give me.

Let me tremble and shake at Your throne,

so that I can stand with strength

against him.

Amen.

I Will

Proverbs 30:5 - Every word of God is flawless; He is a shield to those who take refuge in Him.

Father,

guide my tongue;

bring peace to my mind;

give strength to my body;

convict my heart.

I will obey Your commands;

I will fear You;

I will serve You;

I will walk in obedience,

loving You above all else.

Forgive me of my sin;

make me well.

Amen.

Out Of The Dust

Psalm 139:13-14: For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Brittle and weak,

I consider myself.

Broken and afraid,

I consider myself.

Without a divine purpose,

I consider myself.

Far from Your wonderful mercy;

I consider myself.

A slave to the enemy,

I consider myself.

From the foundations of the earth,

You made me.

Set apart from all other creation,

You made me.

Fearfully and wonderfully,

You made me.

In Your image,

You made me.

Because You are mighty,

You made me.

Out of the dust,

I was formed.

At the foot of Your throne,

I live.

Seated at Your right hand,

I will soon be.

Amen.

Obedient Love

Psalm 119:130-131: The unfolding of Your words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple. I open my mouth and pant, longing for Your commands.

Father,

guide my tongue;

bring peace to my mind;

give strength to my body;

convict my heart.

I will obey Your commands;

I will fear You;

I will serve You;

I will walk in obedience,

loving You above all else.

Forgive me of my sin,

and make me well.

Amen.

Mine

Proverbs 3:7-8: Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.

I rejoice

in the fear of the Lord;

I rejoice,

that I have every reason not to fear the world.

Healing is mine;

wisdom is mine;

joy is mine;

hope is mine;

freedom is mine;

eternity is mine,

because I have the fear of the Lord

in my heart.

O God,

I worship Your magnitude,

I rejoice in Your justice.

Because there is no one like You,

I am full of praise.

Because You redeemed me,

I am free.

I fear the Lord;

for I know my condition,

when I depart from Him.

I fear the Lord;

for His judgment is perfect,

and His ways are pure.

I fear the Lord;

for I know I am not Him,

and because He loves me.

Amen.

Well With My Soul

Psalm 42:5, 11, & 43:5 — Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.

Awaken me, O Lord,

I am asleep to Your truth.

Numb to Your power,

indifferent to Your goodness,

I am asleep.

Come and find me,

lift me up;

I need You.

I am gray,

stuck in nothingness,

I am desperate for Your light.

Still my afflictions persist,

they are many;

give me faith.

Still my wandering continues,

I am confused;

give me peace.

As I step back,

I see clearly,

I have it all wrong.

I am consumed by myself,

set in my ways,

ignoring the needs of others.

My suffering is all-consuming,

for it consumes me of myself.

It feeds my selfishness,

it ignites my self-centeredness.

You are the answer, O God,

You are truth.

Replace my selfish mind,

with Your spirit of humility.

Destroy my self-centered heart,

with Your Spirit of love.

For I know that pride is the death of me,

and I must crucify myself.

Praise Your Name,

the Lord of creation,

for You are good.

I will love You,

serve You,

obey Your commands,

and it will be well with my soul. 

Amen.

God Alone

Lamentations 3:21-22 - This I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end.

I am here,

to do Your will, O God.

I have no purpose,

no meaning,

apart from my Father.

This life matters not -

I matter not -

without the perfect love of the Creator.

In this alone,

I have complete hope.

All of my fear,

my worries and anxieties,

my bitterness and discontentment,

my emptiness and anger,

comes when I depart from this truth.

God alone,

turns my fear into freedom;

my worries and anxieties,

into peace and confidence;

my bitterness and discontentment,

into forgiveness and truth;

my emptiness and anger,

into identity and joy.

I have searched other options,

seeking fullness by other means;

each one failed me completely.

I am Your child, O Father,

You call me beloved!

How can this be?

Rather,

how can it be any other way,

and why would I want it to be?

In this alone,

my soul finds complete rest.

Amen.

Faithless Fear

Psalm 94:17-19 - Unless the Lord had given me help, I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death. When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your unfailing love, Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.

My heart groans within me,

even my bones turn against me.

With every moment of fear,

I cast doubt on the Lord.

In every moment that I am afraid,

I disobey the status of my God.

Is not Your power,

greater than my thorns, O Lord?

My unbelief

causes me to fear,

which leads me to sin.

O, how my life would never be the same,

if I had a mustard seed.

Just a drop,

only a fraction of faith,

and I would never be the same.

My minds turns me in, Father,

my thoughts are the evidence,

evidence of all that I lack.

In the root of my trembling,

my guilt is revealed.

You are all that I need, O Lord,

yet You are not enough for me.

You are all that I long for, O God,

yet I rely on everything but You.

What will it take,

faithless flesh of mine,

to put your hope in the Lord?

I will call to You, mighty Creator,

until my lungs give out.

Humble me,

bring me to ruins,

if it means I can taste the fullness of Your

love.

Amen.

Wonderful Suffering

2 Corinthians 12:9 - But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

O Lord,

my pain cannot be measured,

words cannot do it justice.

I have lost count of the days;

many are the nights I have suffered.

Yet, the mercy of the Lord

has never been more bountiful;

His grace has never been more satisfying.

O the joy of affliction,

the wonder of suffering,

when I am covered by the blood of Christ.

There is no greater treasure,

than suffering for the sake of the Lord.

What good are riches,

worldly treasures and gifts,

without the forgiveness of the Almighty?

They are nothing,

poison to the soul,

and decay to the bones,

apart from the Father.

All that I have belongs to You, O God,

suffering and success alike.

Loosen my grip,

my selfish desires,

my prideful heart.

Turn my sorrow into rejoicing,

and my weeping into joy.

Though my pain cannot be measured,

Your grace overflows in every moment.

You drown my suffering,

in the depths of Your love.

Therefore,

make me humble in my hurt,

and selfless in my affliction.

Convict my heart, O God,

and I will follow You for the rest of my days.

Amen.

Have Your Way

2 Chronicles 16:9 - “For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him.”

With my lips I say,

“Call me, Lord, send me!”

In my heart,

I am afraid.

Am I ready,

am I righteous?

Am I honest,

am I pure?

All that I see is my weakness,

all that I know is my insufficiency.

How I long for the Lord to send me;

how I fear that the Lord is sending me.

If only I felt more prepared,

more certain and more free.

If only the Lord followed my timing,

my feelings and my desires.

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Is there a greater fool that walks this earth,

anyone more foolish than me?

Have Your way, O Lord;

have me and have Your way.

In Your timing,

because of Your grace,

for Your glory,

and by Your strength alone,

have Your way.

Amen.

Refined

Psalm 66:10-12 - “For You, God, tested us; You refined us like silver. You brought us into prison and laid burdens on our backs. You let people ride over our heads; we went through fire and water, but You brought us to a place of abundance.”

The Lord is alive;

He answers my prayers,

and watches over my steps.

The Lord hears;

actively, He listens,

and has His way in all things.

You, O God,

You answer to no one.

Your ways are beautiful;

Your timing is perfect,

even when my flesh doubts.

Faithful, faithful is the Lord Almighty;

tender and just is the Lord.

In discomfort,

I will remain resolute;

in pain,

I will praise You.

For satisfaction is simple,

when my circumstances are safe;

but joy in the Lord during trials,

this is my ministry to the Father.

You test the steadfast,

and You rejoice in our perserverance.

Therefore,

I will come forth refined as gold;

this is my inheritance.

Amen.

You Made

Romans 11:36 - “For from Him and through Him and for Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever! Amen.”

You made my eyes,

to look upon You.

You made my feet,

to walk towards You.

You made my hands,

to serve You.

You made my mind,

to think about You.

You made my heart,

to adore You.

You gave me breath,

to tell of Your goodness.

You made me for You;

for You I am made,

and to You I belong.

Amen.

A Broken Spirit

Psalm 51:17 - “My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.”

My eyes gaze upon Your magnificence, Lord,

there is no one like You.

As far as the east is from the west,

so You have separated me from my sin.

In this,

I have joyful grief,

I take fearful refuge.

For my sin is laid out before me,

my mouth confesses the evil in my heart.

Therefore, I will lose myself to Your power,

I will crucify myself for Your love.

Your forgiveness is my heartbeat;

but, still I will mourn over my wrondoing.

Your grace is my every breath;

but, still I will condemn my indulgence to sin.

It is a blessing, O God,

to confess my pride;

it is a gift to curse my disobedience.

For my inheritance exists in the oceans of Your mercy,

my life comes from the depths of Your grace.

I will meditate on Your justice, Lord,

and I will ever curse my habitual sin.

Lead me to the foundation of Your law,

the freedom of Your instruction,

that I may have life everlasting.

Amen.

Speak To Your Soul

Psalm 42:5 - Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.

You plot my steps before me, O Lord,

You lead me along the path to Your dwelling place.

Though the road is dark,

and I am empty,

You guide me according to Your will.

This is the life You prepared for me long ago;

Your plans have not changed.

Though my flesh is weak,

and my burdens are heavy,

Your sovereignty surrounds me.

Every breath is a reminder

of my eternal resting place,

my perfect home.

Every affliction forces me,

O so wonderfully,

into the depths of Your mercy.

Set my feet upon Your foundation,

the foundation of truth.

Reveal Your power, O Lord,

that I may see it revealed in me.

Overcome my doubts,

and trample my enemies,

that I may proclaim Your goodness.

Command strength into my bones,

and breathe life into my lungs;

let faith bring me healing.

Steadfast, O Lord,

I remain steadfast before You;

come to my rescue!

O mighty God,

come quickly and deliver me.

Amen.

Apart

Psalm 32:6-7 — “Therefore, let all the faithful pray to You while You may be found; surely the rising of the mighty waters will not reach them. You are my hiding place; You will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.”

Apart from fear,

freedom is nothing.

Apart from troubles,

triumph is empty.

Apart from desperation,

hope is unnecessary.

Apart from suffering,

faith is meaningless.

I am made whole,

because I am incomplete.

I have hope,

because I have such need.

I receive grace,

because I know the depths of my sin.

I must choose life,

because I have looked upon the face of death.

You, O Lord,

are God of the brokenhearted.

Leader of the lowly,

You are the King of the downcast,

and we are the apple of Your eye.

You have no need for the arrogant,

no purpose for the prideful.

O, what a blessing,

what an inheritance I will receive,

as a servant of the Lord.

I will wait for You, O God,

I will persist in the face of persecution.

For this life is devoid of meaning,

unless it is a life spent serving You.

Amen.

Silent Not Still

Psalm 13:1-2 — “How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?”

Silent,

but not still.

Quiet,

but not content.

My mind churns,

my thoughts cannot be restrained;

my spirit is not content within me.

How, O Lord,

do I worship You in wandering?

How do I sing praise,

when my soul has no rest,

and my body has no peace?

I am weary,

I see myself as a waste.

With each passing day,

I lose sense of my convictions.

You, O God,

knit me together this way;

why do I have no peace?

Is it disobedience,

fear and worry,

an unwillingness to be bold?

Is it impatience,

pride and selfishness,

an unwillingness to wait?

May my questioning

bring You glory, Father.

Make obedience my conviction,

and righteousness my meditation.

You have plans for me -

not my own -

plans to prosper me,

to use me.

I must not forget.

Amen.

Day of Darkness (7)

My sorrows will be turned to joy;

my hurt will be no more.

Though I fall,

I will rise,

for the Lord is my strength.

Though I hurt,

I will be healed,

for the Lord upholds the righteous.

When faith is my only option,

and trust my only tool,

only then can I be near to You.

When my vices are not enough,

and distractions fail me,

only then can I rely on the Lord.

When life tears me apart,

and darkness swallows me whole,

only then can I have faith.

Standing firm is my victory,

carrying on is my fight;

the Lord is pleased

that I draw near to Him in desperation.

In this I am encouraged:

I am worthy of hardship,

and chosen to suffer.

God will uphold me;

He himself, my Father in heaven,

will see me through.

The Almighty God,

Alpha and Omega,

stands behind me,

walks ahead of me,

and positions Himself beside me.

If He is God,

and it is so,

how can I be defeated?

Amen.

Day of Darkness (6)

I cannot,

I must not,

suffer in vain.

I cannot,

I must not,

hurt in silence.

I cannot,

I must not,

struggle in isolation.

I cannot,

I must not,

drown in separation.

I can,

I must,

suffer with hope.

I can,

I must,

hurt with honesty.

I can,

I must,

struggle with others.

I can,

I must,

call out for help.

You, O Lord,

are my rock.

And You, O Lord,

give me the tools to fight,

and others to walk alongside of me.

Give me the strength

to rely on You,

and be helped by others.

Amen.

Day of Darkness (5)

I will praise You in sickness,

in darkness,

and in hurt.

I will praise You in suffering,

in misery,

and in fear.

I will praise You in emptiness,

in wandering,

and in doubt.

I will praise You in desperation,

in anger,

and in pride.

It is good, O Lord,

to praise your Name,

when all I want to do,

is anything else.

Amen.